I’m taking an English class this semester at Lewis Clark State College. Most of you know about it already. Creative Non Fiction 309. One of our assignments is to write about a person or place that left an impact on us. I struggled to think of someone (well, someone besides a relative, God, a friend, boss, etc.); and I struggled to think of a place (trip, journey, house, apartment, etc). Both failed to pique even my own interest; I was certain that to write about the vast, featureless landscape called my life would surely bore anyone unfortunate enough to have to gaze upon it in print.
Finally, a spark. I toyed around with the idea to write about a dorm fire I went through when I was a freshman in college at Grand Canyon University. Putting Facebook to a meaningful task for a change, I asked some guys for help recalling some details and to share about their own experience with the blaze. The piece got pretty lengthy right off the bat. I wrote up some notes, and compared them to the other guys’ replies. Then started the main essay.
It came surprisingly easy––the writing. From waking up in a fire to waking up in a car a week later, and everything in between. Pieces fell into place, memories were confirmed, little known facts emerged, surprises surfaced, nobody died, and miracles happened.
I was reminded again how many of my friends––then and now––view everything through the lenses of faith. I did at one time too (maybe still do to some degree), although, my faith goggles are smudged now and often the things I see through them lead to more questions rather than answers. Not to say I don’t have faith, I just don’t practice it with the same fervor they do. They have faith in their faith; they have a ton of faith. Whereas, I just have a little faith by comparison. They have more faith than I.
The backdrop of the fire raised a couple of unexpected questions of my own. Mainly about me.
First, following the fire was about the same time I started putting walls up and withdrawing, deploying a subconscious defensive buffer around me. Before then, for the most part, people were granted my trust almost by default. We shared common beliefs, and prayed to the same God. We went to the same school, and drove to church together on Sundays. Our faith in God was our common bond.
But God’s children are far from perfect. In fact, they are quite far from close to perfect. I learned this once the hard way a couple years earlier when I was “fired” from a band. I was in high school and in a Christian rock band. We worked hard and played a few gigs. We prayed together. Studied the Bible together as much as we practiced. Everything was fine until the guys prayed about it and God told them another direction would be taken and I was to be cut loose. My brothers in Christ––these spiritual guys, trusted friends, bandmates, believers––told me I was unneeded. Out. “Go with God, whatever, just go.”
So what did I do? I buried it. Promptly. My mom asked me why I wasn’t practicing with the band anymore. “I quit,” I told her, obviously too embarrassed to admit to being on the business end of prayers. And happily trucked on down the will of God highway. Maybe I sucked at bass guitar. Maybe I couldn’t sing. Maybe a new, sexier Christian dude had a “ministry,” (quotes intended) and had no room for my walk with God. Whatever the reason, the resonating footnote I swallowed with my faith that day was that I was disposable.
Flash back to the fire. A moment came up where victims were all in transition and some friends decided to move in together. My roommate and best friend among them. Four friends, minus me. Tragic, huh? Oh well, sure, go right ahead. I’ll make do over here. It smacked of that same, wretched, loving, thoughtless, aftertaste that screamed I was disposable.
I buried that too. Rejection (real or imagined) seems to get a formal and immediate burial deep within my psyche. Events, like flame and smoke filled escapes from dorm fires, if close enough to rejection, also get filed away into the abyss.
I spent 20 years of my life not thinking about the dorm fire. Not thinking about how it affected my life. Not thinking about how I was treated by fellow Christians, or how I reacted after that (like it didn’t bother me). Not thinking about the my walls (going up brick by brick, rejection by rejection, offense by offense, faithless act after faithless act). Remembering that I felt disposable; then, and other times. Not realizing that maybe my faith in God’s children burned down too, along with my dorm.
For most of those 20 years my closest friends always sparkled brightly in a positive light; but now after a deeper look into the particulars of a shared experience, those same friends, and others, begin to look diminished in the reflection of flames.
My 40-something wisdom today gives them and me a lot of slack too. How can I not? Expecting teenagers and early 20-somethings to always do what is right is expecting too much.
The essay, Kachina Dorm Fire, explored all of it; until that is, I edited it out. When I hand in the essay that doesn’t say anything, I’ll be thinking about this blog post.
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
Bow down to Database
Our new god is named Database. Database is in all things and in all creation. Data is its Spirit. Device its flesh. Database wishes to know all and probably does.
Database doesn't require cash. Currency is only a one or a zero in Database. It only confirms that you have adequate reserves at the time of purchase. It knows where you work. It knows your gross compensation; and it knows how much to excise for taxes. Perhaps you're unemployed; Database knows. Or, sadly homeless. Database has already made a note of it. It knows if you're charitable, and how much it should disperse to your place of worship, causes, and political affiliations. Database knows how much retirement savings you have. It knows which stocks you've made or lost money on.
Where do you live? Database knows your address, and those among you who also call it home. Database knows if you're buying or renting. Spouse. Offspring. Database knows who they are and what day they were born. Or maybe you live alone. It knows. Occupations. Schools. Grades. Teachers. Phone numbers. Pets. Subscriptions. Book purchases. TV viewing habits. Internet usage. Music preferences. Water and power consumption. Database knows what your home and property are worth, and how much you owe on your mortgage.
Are you a consumer? Database knows where you like to shop. It knows what you like to wear and where you like to buy it. It knows preferences and predicts purchases. Cash or check. Debit or credit. Paper or plastic. Coke or Pepsi. Verizon or Sprint. Chevy or Ford. Windows or Mac. Directv or Dish.
Database knows what you drive. Did you buy your vehicle or is it leased? Database knows. It knows your payment and who is in possession of the title, how much fuel it demands, insurance coverage, mileage, VIN number, accident history, and known recalls. It says here the floor mats were not replaced as requested by the vehicle's manufacturer. This information will serve useful as it constructs a trail of culpability to the guilty party, in the unfortunate, however likely, event of an accident. Database knows who's at fault. Speeding tickets. Moving violations. Fender benders. Tire rotations. Oil changes. 60,000 mile maintenance records.
Perhaps you don't have an automobile. Database knows you ride the bus, train, or jump from taxi to taxi to traverse the space between points of interest in your life.
Database knows where you like to vacation and how often you travel. Domestic flights. International interests. Meals. Lodging. Rentals. Attractions. Souvenirs. Destination Database.
Database determines net worth. It weighs your plusses and minuses, taking credits and weighing them against debts, thus arriving at a number to be used as your very own financial litmus test, asserting forever more that you're either drowning in red or splashing about playfully in black. Credit scores come in three flavors, which Database uses as ingredients to bake that financial cake called your value. Go on... have a bite.
Database knows every school you ever attended. It knows your level of education. It knows if you were educated by an accredited institution, or alternately, studied at the University of Hard Knocks. Ethnicity. Skin color. Religious affiliation. Memberships. Associations. Military history, if applicable. Political proclivities.
Did you know Database can help you with your career? It organizes and offers millions upon millions of jobs. Search Database for opportunity. Apply, apply, and apply again to however many jobs you may feel qualified for; and even some you don't. Go crazy! Database will settle any and all remaining reservations, through a highly secretive and mysterious algorithm, and rate whether you're hirable or not. Be aware that you must fill out a unique database instance for each and every job listing you've expressed an interest in applying. Database reserves the right to list jobs that don't exist, have expired, are found to be made up, or were posted in the spirit of covering one's ass with the guidelines laid out by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (A fancy name for a government idea dreamed up to fight discrimination in the workplace. But the EEOC fails miserably short because instead of enforcing the laws and prosecuting violators, the commission publishes easy-for-employers-to-follow rules highlighting compliance, accentuating the bare minimum required). This travesty is of no concern to Database. Your dream job awaits, though citizen, so get on it.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Database knows. Background checks are available upon request, for a small fee.
Database knows your blood type and insurance number. Healthcare provider. Medical history. Prescriptions. Dr. visits. Database knows you have high cholesterol. You're considered overweight. You don't exercise enough. You eat unhealthy foods. Are you a smoker? Does your family have a history with cancer? Were you adopted? When was your last physical? Database knows you down to your last strand of DNA.
And let's not forget about fun. Database puts the F.U. in fun. It monitors, requisitions content on your behalf, and supplies all forms of entertainment, leisurely longings, and recreational relaxations. You'll never have to sit alone in a room and read, say, an actual book or something. Database keeps a detailed log of the whole shebang. How awesome is that? This becomes less a challenge and more the norm as technology takes over every last detail of humanity, as is the will of Database -- as long as all good netizens remain faithfully tethered to Internet-connected devices like mobile phones, laptops, pads, desktop computers, gaming consoles, TVs, cars, and more. Passive aggressive mechanisms like traffic cams, security cameras, GPS enabled gadgets, RFID chips, and more all work without requiring pesky input from you. So take a break for a change. You've earned it.
Culture will be tolerated but with a preference towards unnecessary, if not retooled a bit. Database defines culture for us now, because we've lost generations of cultural uniqueness in pursuit of homogenized technology. Black guy and white guy use the same iPhone. Instant harmony. Liberal douche and Conservative douche are Facebook friends. Grandma and Goth like Grey's Anatomy. The melting pot has brewed itself into a yummy bowl of Tolerance, with a side of Acceptance, and washed down with a bottle of Robotic Reason. Feel free to be yourself; just don't ruffle the feathers of the precious Sissy Bird. Database prefers everyone to get along. This is crucial. Individuality will be punished by the Wrath of enlightened do-gooders. The Offended shall be heard. Should you persist in your individuality, Database will be forced to provision you with a shun-worthy label.
Database relies on you to feed it data -- for the most part -- but does employ an army of minions, such as: bankers, administrators, authorities, creditors, nurses, doctors, pharmacists, dentists, insurance offices, Internet providers, utility commissions, grocery stores, Walmart, Costco, clubs, convenience stores, lube shops, tire stores, mechanics, fast food restaurants, Starbucks, Wi-Fi enabled businesses, gyms -- feel free to add some -- all collaborating to fill in those lingering gaps and more completely form an accurate picture of the everyday you. Database reserves the right to fire these participants if it so deems appropriate (in the future, perhaps). But for now, these countless underlings are necessary in rendering the myth of free will. They push and pull us along in an effort to guide us to a place called Options. From there, by deciding between a couple of "options" we will arrive at Choice. Simple, huh?
Database has blessed a few shady entities who are to profit greatly from the relentless gathering, manipulation, and analysis of the data. These Keepers will hold in their possession the crown jewel of knowledge: eternal ownership. It's a win-win for a most unholy union. They get filthy rich for the bargain basement price of their souls. Database gets an turbo-charged upgrade where facts, information, and knowledge about you flow into boundless storage at warp speed.
And the loser here? Well, friend... that's you. Not because you chose wrong at all the right times, or had too much debt, or didn't use your time wisely, or didn't love your family, or showed too much compassion, and too little brains. You were moral. You were fair. You gave a damn. No. You were caught breathing. You were found to be alive. Therefore, you should be cataloged. Some even volunteer the data freely. Early adopters. Programmed fools. Maniacal narcissists, addicted to their own greatness.
A tragic end to the drum-beating enticement of technological advance. The more that is known about you, the more obvious that the desired end is simply that every last remaining fact about you -- the whole of your life -- is to be hunted down and stored, the more you'll disappear into a sea of anonymity. Everywhere and nowhere. Just gone. You lose yourself. You lose you.
Bow down to your new god. You belong to Database now and forever more.
Database doesn't require cash. Currency is only a one or a zero in Database. It only confirms that you have adequate reserves at the time of purchase. It knows where you work. It knows your gross compensation; and it knows how much to excise for taxes. Perhaps you're unemployed; Database knows. Or, sadly homeless. Database has already made a note of it. It knows if you're charitable, and how much it should disperse to your place of worship, causes, and political affiliations. Database knows how much retirement savings you have. It knows which stocks you've made or lost money on.
Where do you live? Database knows your address, and those among you who also call it home. Database knows if you're buying or renting. Spouse. Offspring. Database knows who they are and what day they were born. Or maybe you live alone. It knows. Occupations. Schools. Grades. Teachers. Phone numbers. Pets. Subscriptions. Book purchases. TV viewing habits. Internet usage. Music preferences. Water and power consumption. Database knows what your home and property are worth, and how much you owe on your mortgage.
Are you a consumer? Database knows where you like to shop. It knows what you like to wear and where you like to buy it. It knows preferences and predicts purchases. Cash or check. Debit or credit. Paper or plastic. Coke or Pepsi. Verizon or Sprint. Chevy or Ford. Windows or Mac. Directv or Dish.
Database knows what you drive. Did you buy your vehicle or is it leased? Database knows. It knows your payment and who is in possession of the title, how much fuel it demands, insurance coverage, mileage, VIN number, accident history, and known recalls. It says here the floor mats were not replaced as requested by the vehicle's manufacturer. This information will serve useful as it constructs a trail of culpability to the guilty party, in the unfortunate, however likely, event of an accident. Database knows who's at fault. Speeding tickets. Moving violations. Fender benders. Tire rotations. Oil changes. 60,000 mile maintenance records.
Perhaps you don't have an automobile. Database knows you ride the bus, train, or jump from taxi to taxi to traverse the space between points of interest in your life.
Database knows where you like to vacation and how often you travel. Domestic flights. International interests. Meals. Lodging. Rentals. Attractions. Souvenirs. Destination Database.
Database determines net worth. It weighs your plusses and minuses, taking credits and weighing them against debts, thus arriving at a number to be used as your very own financial litmus test, asserting forever more that you're either drowning in red or splashing about playfully in black. Credit scores come in three flavors, which Database uses as ingredients to bake that financial cake called your value. Go on... have a bite.
Database knows every school you ever attended. It knows your level of education. It knows if you were educated by an accredited institution, or alternately, studied at the University of Hard Knocks. Ethnicity. Skin color. Religious affiliation. Memberships. Associations. Military history, if applicable. Political proclivities.
Did you know Database can help you with your career? It organizes and offers millions upon millions of jobs. Search Database for opportunity. Apply, apply, and apply again to however many jobs you may feel qualified for; and even some you don't. Go crazy! Database will settle any and all remaining reservations, through a highly secretive and mysterious algorithm, and rate whether you're hirable or not. Be aware that you must fill out a unique database instance for each and every job listing you've expressed an interest in applying. Database reserves the right to list jobs that don't exist, have expired, are found to be made up, or were posted in the spirit of covering one's ass with the guidelines laid out by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (A fancy name for a government idea dreamed up to fight discrimination in the workplace. But the EEOC fails miserably short because instead of enforcing the laws and prosecuting violators, the commission publishes easy-for-employers-to-follow rules highlighting compliance, accentuating the bare minimum required). This travesty is of no concern to Database. Your dream job awaits, though citizen, so get on it.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Database knows. Background checks are available upon request, for a small fee.
Database knows your blood type and insurance number. Healthcare provider. Medical history. Prescriptions. Dr. visits. Database knows you have high cholesterol. You're considered overweight. You don't exercise enough. You eat unhealthy foods. Are you a smoker? Does your family have a history with cancer? Were you adopted? When was your last physical? Database knows you down to your last strand of DNA.
And let's not forget about fun. Database puts the F.U. in fun. It monitors, requisitions content on your behalf, and supplies all forms of entertainment, leisurely longings, and recreational relaxations. You'll never have to sit alone in a room and read, say, an actual book or something. Database keeps a detailed log of the whole shebang. How awesome is that? This becomes less a challenge and more the norm as technology takes over every last detail of humanity, as is the will of Database -- as long as all good netizens remain faithfully tethered to Internet-connected devices like mobile phones, laptops, pads, desktop computers, gaming consoles, TVs, cars, and more. Passive aggressive mechanisms like traffic cams, security cameras, GPS enabled gadgets, RFID chips, and more all work without requiring pesky input from you. So take a break for a change. You've earned it.
Culture will be tolerated but with a preference towards unnecessary, if not retooled a bit. Database defines culture for us now, because we've lost generations of cultural uniqueness in pursuit of homogenized technology. Black guy and white guy use the same iPhone. Instant harmony. Liberal douche and Conservative douche are Facebook friends. Grandma and Goth like Grey's Anatomy. The melting pot has brewed itself into a yummy bowl of Tolerance, with a side of Acceptance, and washed down with a bottle of Robotic Reason. Feel free to be yourself; just don't ruffle the feathers of the precious Sissy Bird. Database prefers everyone to get along. This is crucial. Individuality will be punished by the Wrath of enlightened do-gooders. The Offended shall be heard. Should you persist in your individuality, Database will be forced to provision you with a shun-worthy label.
Database relies on you to feed it data -- for the most part -- but does employ an army of minions, such as: bankers, administrators, authorities, creditors, nurses, doctors, pharmacists, dentists, insurance offices, Internet providers, utility commissions, grocery stores, Walmart, Costco, clubs, convenience stores, lube shops, tire stores, mechanics, fast food restaurants, Starbucks, Wi-Fi enabled businesses, gyms -- feel free to add some -- all collaborating to fill in those lingering gaps and more completely form an accurate picture of the everyday you. Database reserves the right to fire these participants if it so deems appropriate (in the future, perhaps). But for now, these countless underlings are necessary in rendering the myth of free will. They push and pull us along in an effort to guide us to a place called Options. From there, by deciding between a couple of "options" we will arrive at Choice. Simple, huh?
Database has blessed a few shady entities who are to profit greatly from the relentless gathering, manipulation, and analysis of the data. These Keepers will hold in their possession the crown jewel of knowledge: eternal ownership. It's a win-win for a most unholy union. They get filthy rich for the bargain basement price of their souls. Database gets an turbo-charged upgrade where facts, information, and knowledge about you flow into boundless storage at warp speed.
And the loser here? Well, friend... that's you. Not because you chose wrong at all the right times, or had too much debt, or didn't use your time wisely, or didn't love your family, or showed too much compassion, and too little brains. You were moral. You were fair. You gave a damn. No. You were caught breathing. You were found to be alive. Therefore, you should be cataloged. Some even volunteer the data freely. Early adopters. Programmed fools. Maniacal narcissists, addicted to their own greatness.
A tragic end to the drum-beating enticement of technological advance. The more that is known about you, the more obvious that the desired end is simply that every last remaining fact about you -- the whole of your life -- is to be hunted down and stored, the more you'll disappear into a sea of anonymity. Everywhere and nowhere. Just gone. You lose yourself. You lose you.
Bow down to your new god. You belong to Database now and forever more.
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